i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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