I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
