mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
