I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
