Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
