Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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