One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
