but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
