im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
