don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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