If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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