Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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