Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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