I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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