My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
