i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
