At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
