Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
