So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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