If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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