i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
