you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just want nice things and good sex
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
