In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
