u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
