i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
