Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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