Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This is my gift to your gina
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
