Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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