the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
