Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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