You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
