i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
