Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
