You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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