you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
