So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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