Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
