I want to walk on stilts...naked
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
