dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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