At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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