shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The best revenge is premature balding
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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