i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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