Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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