They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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