its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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