I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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