dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
