he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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