cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
