I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
