I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
