i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
